


can we blame the stars?

by unsettle



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, im just tagging that so more people see this, its just about... understand stuff, slight dojae and some yutae. also markhyuck. today we're going BASIC!, sort of..
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:09:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24682087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsettle/pseuds/unsettle
Summary: The reason Johnny called the two of them was because they knew Johnny and Ten. As individuals, and as a couple. But everything Taeyong said feels so hypothetical and detached. Like he was talking about Person X and Person Y. Person X and Person Y are dating. Person X kisses Person Z. Is he an asshole for that? Romcom ethics 101.Ten is not Person X, though. Ten is Ten.alternatively, Johnny tries to reasses age-old norms about morality and fidelity but what he really wants to do is smack Ten upside the head.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Lee Taeyong/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 11
Kudos: 104





	can we blame the stars?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! this is officially the first nct fic that ive uploaded which is insane cause ive been in the fandom since like, early 2018.
> 
> The cheating tag is kinda disputable here, cause through the fic i explore the complications of "cheating", and if it always means the same thing. 
> 
> It's sort of based off my experiences with others and thoughts, and I'm so sorry that the couples are SO basic, but. Yeah. Hope it's decent.

The first time Ten says it, Johnny’s not paying attention. He’s trying to figure out where the Lit Fest volunteer group should meet today, since their usual classroom is occupied for some slam poetry session (which they grudgingly accepted, no matter their sheer contempt for that group of buffoons who know nothing about poetry and less about originality). 

“Sorry, what?”

Usually Ten himself would whine and get Johnny to listen to him. So, if his silence is slightly strange, the expression he carries on his face when Johnny looks up from his phone is instantly worrying. It reminds Johnny of when Ten broke his camera. Johnny really hopes he hasn’t broken anything, but gives him a soft smile to ease the other’s tension. 

Ten exhales loudly, as if preparing himself. 

“I kissed Yukhei.”

Johnny’s thoughts come to a screeching halt, until his mind hollows completely. The silence in the room resonates with that in his head, and when he feels like another second of it would make his skull implode, he chokes out a response.

“Oh.”

The smallness of his voice surprises him. He clears his throat and racks his brain for a reasonable question to ask first. It comes out sounding ridiculous, as though he were desperately trying to sound detached.

“What was like, the context?”

Ten looks painfully nervous. A part of Johnny wants to give Ten a poke in his underarm and tell him it’s okay, but he hasn’t really processed much else besides the wave of white noise that has decided to take home in his ears.

“We were just hanging out in his room, and he was teaching me some Mandarin, and. And, I don’t know. Yeah.”

For someone who virtually never shuts up, Ten was somewhat inarticulate (unless he was cursing). He perceived every little detail in his life, every caress and glance, very intensely. He trusted easily and was a bit gullible. Sure, he was no poet. Johnny thinks it has a lot to do the fact that he has read exactly five books in his entire life, but in the end, he always found the most interesting and unusual ways to say things. Johnny was sort of in love with his brain. 

His broken and hesitant sentences are a little short of heart breaking. Even now. 

“Come on, Ten,” Johnny says. He hates the fact that he has to be the better person right now. “You can tell me.”

Ten sits up straighter, “We were joking around and in that moment, I,”

He looks at Johnny, unsure and delicate. Johnny gestures for him to continue.

“I just felt a lot of affection for him. He seems so, like, happy and he just always puts others before him. And I just, I just felt so proud of him.”

Johnny’s vision blurs as he spaces out, trying to process he was just told. It isn’t a secret. Ten had an enormous soft spot for Yukhei, but Johnny never thought it was anything special. Despite the fact that he is a demon sometimes, Ten couldn’t help but see the best in people, even if he did in some convoluted way. Of course Johnny knew that Ten adored Yukhei – and he doesn’t find that utterly impossible to relate to. Yukhei was seventy kilos of giggles and muscles. It was hard to not love him.

“It didn’t mean anything, Johnny,” Ten goes on. “I mean, yeah, in that moment, maybe. But nothing more.”

Johnny nods. He understands. Sort of. 

“When was this?”

“Monday. I’m really sorry, I wanted to tell you, but I was so scared of what I’d done, and Xuxi felt so guilty too.”

He nods again, unsure of how to respond.

“Is that it?”

Ten nods vigorously, “Yeah, that’s all. It won’t happen again. I’m really, really sorry.”

Johnny sucks in his lower lips. Without a doubt, Ten is being honest. He is not the worst liar Johnny knows but Johnny can see through most of his bluffs. His trick is that he acts way too clueless and grows suspiciously wordless when he’s lying. But Ten hated hiding important things from him, and if this happened over a week ago – take it from Johnny – Ten has probably driven himself unhinged thinking about it.

Johnny suddenly recalls the time Ten very seriously told Johnny that his dad had a small penis, and that throughout his adolescence he was scared he would also follow suit. Johnny laughed till a lasting ache settled in his ribs and his throat ran dry of all sound. He decided then that Ten might be an extra-terrestrial entity. Also that he was unfathomably lucky to have him in his life.

He takes a deep breath.

“So I don’t have to beat him up or anything, right?”

Johnny does frequent the gym. He’d put up a good fight, he is sure. Not that he has an alibi, since he’s never been in a fist fight even once in his living memory (what he doesn’t remember doesn’t count, that way. So, with the exception of middle school, he has never been in a fist fight). But Yukhei would indisputably hand his ass back to him. 

Ten frowns at his feet, and when he looks up his eyes are large and alarmed, but Johnny’s stoic expression falters for a fleeting second and Ten visibly deflates. He lunges at him and smacks his chest as they dissolves into a medley of curse words and laughter. After a few failed attempts, he finally catches Ten’s wrists and envelopes him in a hug, making sure it is tight enough for the other to be sufficiently disarmed. 

“Am I forgiven already?” 

His voice is muffled since his face is pressed into his neck, and the vibrations spread into Johnny’s chest.

Johnny hums, but it comes out more contemplative than affirmative. There is still mild discomfort when he thinks too hard about it, but it can be ignored. He is sure it will dissipate with time.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to.”

He hums again, not trusting his voice. 

They remain hugging for a while for some reason. Johnny thinks it is because any other action would feel much too distant. At least for him. He is aware that he’s more or less crushing Ten, and that under usual circumstances the younger would complain endlessly, but for a minute he indulges himself as he squeezes Ten, who must be trying really hard to contain his whines, before loosening his grip. When they let go, Ten’s big smile makes Johnny feel a tinge of sadness, but he ignores it again.

Ten has a class to teach soon, and Johnny has to meet up with the volunteer group and give them their tasks, so Ten picks up things he had dispersed evenly across Johnny’s single room and turns to leave. 

“Hey,” Johnny says quietly at the door, just as he's about to leave. “It’s alright, okay?”

He kisses Ten’s hair before ruffling it, but it feels more like he’s telling himself that and when Ten turns to leave, his expression reflects his own, telling him that the worst is yet to come.

+

He’s not alright. His meeting goes terribly. He blanks when someone asks a question about a speaker and misinforms another about the dates. He tries to cheer himself up by buying expensive takeaway coffee but his mind ultimately finds its way into the gutter, which it was previously prevented to do due to Ten’s constant reassurances, but now his absence has taken its toll in the worst way possible.

Contrary to what he imagined earlier – that he just has to think about this – he starts to realise that he wants to talk about it with someone. Needs to.

See, now, Johnny has a lot of friends. He is naturally extroverted and genuinely likes people. He hates generalising but over the years he’s come to the conclusion that everyone ultimately has either of the two opions about other people – that most of them are not worth their time, or that everyone is unique and deserving in some way. Johnny very much falls into the second category. 

The thing is, as does Ten, and most of their close friends are mutual at some level. It had always been a good thing. Now that Johnny thinks about it, they’ve never had to take their relationship issues outside. They have always – literally always – solved everything amongst themselves. Not that they never disagreed or fought. It was kind of impossible to not fight with Ten, but Ten never argued for something he didn’t believe in, so either he relented when he was proven wrong, or made the other empathise with him. 

His ego was practically non-existent too, unless when it came to useless things. He once got extremely upset with Johnny and stormed out of the room even, because Johnny made an (awful) impression of his voice. Taeyong later told him it was because Ten was figuring out his feelings for Johnny at the time and it made him insecure. Johnny thinks it was because Ten is a little shit sometimes. 

When Johnny dated other people, he talked to his mom about it a lot, but no matter who he thinks of, it feels like he would be violating Ten’s privacy if he tells them. He needs to talk about it, but is it his secret to tell? Is it even a secret? Probably. Right?

The feeling of discomfort only grows. From the grass under him to the way he’s sweating at his collar. He stares mindlessly at the number of mid-term essays he’s supposed to examine for the class he TA’s for by the end of the week. Johnny literally never stresses over work. He manages his time well, and takes his limitations seriously. He’s a bit stressed now. And he panics a bit. He really wants to talk his mother, they haven't spoken in over two weeks, but he can’t because she'd be in bed. 

So he calls the person who’s closest to his mom.

“Hi, Johnny!”

Taeyong’s voice is too chirpy for someone who spends a night shift at the veterinary hospital.

“Hey, Taeyong,” Johnny tries his best to sound normal. And he literally was normal until now, but Taeyong sounds too much like his mom, and his voice breaks midway.

“Are you okay?”

“Are you free?”

It comes out in a falsetto.

“Hey, of course. Do you wanna talk?”

Johnny hums, unable to stand another second of his own squeaky whimpers.

“Okay, honey. I’m coming over. Also I’m bringing Yuta.”

Johnny doesn’t tell Taeyong that he’s not in his room or that he doesn't want Yuta to come, but he doesn’t want to talk so he just agrees and starts walking back home. 

God, why did he call Taeyong? Taeyong is definitely closer to Ten because of dance class and now he will be the one splitting up his friend group. He should’ve just called Mark and his demon friends and tell them his problems like a man-child –

“Johnny, slow down,” Taeyong’s voice is patient beyond comprehension.

“Yeah, dude, you’re going fruit-loops,” Yuta adds for good measure, earning himself a nudge from Taeyong.

“Sorry. Sorry, okay,” Johnny exhales. “It’s just –“

Both of them stare at him. He really hates Taeyong’s gigantic eyes right now. What the hell are they so big for? Does he see anything others don’t?

“Okay, please don’t take this the wrong way. I’ve just never, you know, talked to others about Ten. We don’t, like, do that.”

Lee Taeyong and Nakamoto Yuta. 

Taeyong is a grad student and part-time vet and full-time dork. He looks like a tigress had sex with Takeshi Kaneshiro and the baby that popped out was him. He has an insatiable sweet tooth and is the most lightweight person Johnny knows and once deep-throated a banana while he was crossfaded. He is a nervous wreck, like, 30% of the time but he’s also the sweetest person Johnny knows and he reminds him of his mother. Johnny feels like he’s mentioned that.

Oh, God. His head is spinning.

Taeyong is the best friend of Doyoung who is dating Johnny’s (sort of) best friend. And is also dating Yuta, who was Johnny’s roommate for three years and whom Taeyong pinned after for a short historical epoch during which he cried to Johnny when he felt like Doyoung was sick of him, before they finally got together three months ago and Johnny is sure he’s told the entire story backwards but it is a very long story, okay?.

The point is: Taeyong and Yuta are probably the wrong people to have said that to. Everyone and their mothers knew about their drama. Johnny’s just hoping they ignore it in favour of focusing on Johnny’s problem for now. 

Taeyong’s composure wavers for a fleeting moment with a twitch of an eyebrow and Johnny flinches internally.

“Okay, let’s do that later. First, Ten hooked up with Yukhei.”

Christ, it sounds bad when you put it like that. But it makes Johnny mad. Did Ten really have to cheat on him with Yukhei? The boy is like fifteen (not even close), and couldn’t tell a cock and a sand dune. Sure, he looked like a Cantonese Hercules but Johnny has pretty good arms himself.

“Okay, firstly,” Yuta sighs. “You know what else can’t tell the difference between a dick and a sand dune? Artificial intelligence.”

A pause. Johnny and Taeyong blink at him.

“Is that all?” Taeyong asks.

Yuta shrugs.

Taeyong heaves a sigh, “Listen, Johnny. I hate to say these things out loud, but we have to consider some things here. To begin with, Ten loves you to death. In no way does he want this to affect your relationship –“

“He should’ve thought about that before he fucked Yukhei,” Yuta interrupts.

“Yuta.”

“What?”

“I think we should try to be more understanding.”

“I’m just saying it as it is.”

“You know, you’re really the last person to be saying this,” Taeyong says with pursed lips, and it is clear he means something very specific and Johnny is certain that if he put his mind to it and examined the lengthy time-line of their pre-relationship he could figure out which act of assholery he was referring to, but Taeyong now looks ready to go to war with his boyfriend and he really doesn’t want this to become about them.

“No one fucked anyone,” he says instead. “They just kissed, and nothing happened after that.”

Taeyong bites the inside of his cheeks.

“Johnny, I know what Ten did was wrong. I know this is not a small deal. You’re justified in being upset, you –“

“Except, it is a small deal. Right?”

Johnny glances at Taeyong, who is a bit startled, but his prolonged silence confirms that Johnny is right about what he was going to say. He decides it isn't worth lingering on.

“This is so weird. It’s just, I’ve never had to take our relationship to someone else. Maybe my mom.”

They look like they don’t know how exactly to respond to that, so Yuta just scoots over and gives him his signature awkward bro hug, which he accepts. He appreciates it more than he does Taeyong’s attempts to rationalise this.

Taeyong must have felt caught, because he only tells Johnny things he thinks he wants to hear after that. _He was not right for doing that. You don’t need to forgive him. He needs to be held accountable. He was not right for doing that. You don’t need to forgive him.He needs to be held accountable._ Once they leave Johnny forgets most of the conversation. 

The reason Johnny called the two of them was because they knew Johnny and Ten. As individuals, and as a couple. But everything Taeyong said feels so hypothetical and detached. Like he was talking about Person X and Person Y. Person X and Person Y are dating. Person X kisses Person Z. Is he an asshole for that? Romcom ethics 101.

Ten is not Person X, though. Ten is Ten.

Johnny throws his head back and presses his fingers to his eyes. He knows that Taeyong was just trying to make him feel better instead of forcing him to be rational and understanding, but he never wanted that. 

Johnny thinks about how in movies people stop sleeping and eating and make their lives consciously miserable because of any small bump in their relationship. Johnny refuses to give them that credit. He’s a Shakespearean at heart, and if he wants to not eat and force himself to stay awake it is because he’s read Romeo and Juliet too many times.

But life’s anything but romantic when it comes to relationship angst. Heartbreak is rarely wet mascara and rainfall. Usually it looks like twenty unevaluated, undergrad mid-term papers, in all their unfurnished – and more often than not just plain badly written – glory and a single cold beer in his fridge. If he’s out like a light at eleven o’clock, don’t tell Shakespeare. 

+

Ten and Johnny knew each other from their high school years. Or sort of knew each other. In high school you don’t really interact with students from other grades. He knew Ten played basketball, was good at dancing and really, really loud. If you ever passed by his class, you’d hear him for sure, and his voice was unmistakable. He was also a bit of a cool kid, if it’s worth mentioning.

Johnny was a bit of everything in high school. He played two sports, he listened to a lot of music, read a lot of books, enjoyed mathematical reasoning, slept in on weekends, went out just as much, was a class clown and tutored his neighbour. He was popular in the sense that he was well-liked, but he lacked the specificity of a cool kid. It was only later that he realised he could only be so many things in a contained and protected world that school was, where someone forced you to run laps and do craft. 

He can’t believe art class was a thing, and he can’t believe he wasted the better half of them throwing paint at his classmates instead of painting. He wants to give his high school self a spanking. In college, it is admirable if you can manage to hang on to two hobbies.

To say the least, college broke him a bit. He hated how so many things he took for granted proved to be so fragile in the face of change. He hated how so much of him could be taken away from him. He hated how easy it was for all his values and convictions to crumble like a sand castle. 

It took him almost a year to get his life in place enough to venture out. He had made a few friends, mostly through Yuta, but in his second year was when he finally felt like himself again, but he can’t tell if he just met Ten at a good time or if Ten contributed to it, but he’s glad for him either way.

Johnny had been ever so slightly judgemental, for lack of better word, of Ten in high school. Sure, he was funny and sweet, but he thought Ten bought into an empty image of what ‘cool’ was - the clothes and the alcohol. Not that anything was wrong with those things per say, but to Ten those just seemed like the means to a carefully constructed reputation. 

He doesn’t know how right he was – he likes to think he was marginally correct – but by the time Ten entered college he seemed to have grown past that. Johnny also realised that there was a natural attractiveness to him, it wasn’t just a reputation. 

He can’t tell how exactly his gang came together. 

He and Yuta were roommates. Doyoung and Johnny were both humanities major, and also had sex once (Jaehyun is still touchy on that subject, because he’s immature like that, so they don’t mention it). Jaehyun and Johnny worked at the same food joint. Jaehyun’s roommate was Sicheng, who Yuta shamelessly crushed on for like a month. Taeyong is literally Doyoung’s soul mate. Taeil was in an acapella group with Doyoung and Jaehyun. Sicheng and Taeyong danced. 

And Ten just wiggled his way in somehow through Taeyong and Johnny and a (failed) promise to sneak them all into a Frank Ocean concert that bonded them all for life. Joke’s on the security though, because they could still hear the music in the parking lot.

If you want a timeline, then just forget it. 

He had several other friends, of course. With every semester came new friends. But if he didn’t want to eat lunch one day, it was these people he called. 

Ten clung to Johnny for a while, although he wouldn’t admit it. Johnny obviously didn’t want to call him for that. He was far worse as a first year, and over a short period of time, he developed a partly parental affection for Ten.

Ten was bubbly, sensitive and truly a whirlwind. Being with him guaranteed fun. It meant sneaking into house parties, getting kicked out of the library, doing laundry at 3 am while high, planning something stupid – however small – for everyone’s birthday, playing in the rain, trying to bake ratatouille in a microwave. Sure, there was a fair share of consequences too, but Johnny never found it in him to care too much.

He couldn’t believe how much of himself he had lost. Being with Ten made him remember himself, but simultaneously retain the bit of responsibility – because Ten is an absolute menace and has only a vague sense of survival – he had gained over the years. He liked who he was when he was with him. 

Johnny himself was very reassured. He had no major insecurities – he was told very curtly by Taeyong that “being too tall” isn’t a thing – and needed two hands to count the things he was good at. But he can’t remember why Ten likes him.

Before he sleeps he texts Ten.

**To: Ten**  
From: You  


_hey can you please not text me for a few days. i just need some time, okay?_

+

Johnny thinks that ultimately, you can’t pin down what you love about a person, even when there’s a lot to love about them. For example, he sure as hell doesn’t know why Taeyong loves Yuta after he made him crawl through hell for months, or why his mother still loves her sister when she only calls for money. There are just things in life that aren’t meant to be explained, that just leave you with the vaguest impression of what they might be. Like literature. 

But there have to be at least a few tangible things you like about each other for two people to date, and on some level, Johnny thinks you have to at least get along. 

Johnny has not a single clue why Mark and Donghyuck are dating. 

“What?” Mark deadpans into his phone. Donghyuck’s call. What a bright way to greet the person you love.

Mark Lee is Johnny’s infamous neighbour whom he ‘tutored’. The truth is that Mark was too smart to need tutoring. Instead they hung out in the time he was supposed to be tutoring him. Johnny likes to think he provided the strong male presence every boy needs in his adolescence. The one you drink beer with for the first time. The one who drives you home after being heartbroken at prom. The one you secretly crush on for years.

(Johnny maintains that it was Donghyuck who spilled the beans, but it was in fact Mark himself who once drunk called him to inform Johnny that whenever he used to listen to Taylor Swift in middle school, he had always imagined Johnny as the love interest. Johnny decided that some truths are better left in the dark, for the sake of sanity, although he really wants to tease Mark about the Taylor Swift part).

Lee Donghyuck is a spawn of Satan himself and is probably plotting to destroy the world as they speak. Johnny loves him, but the fact remains. Other than that, he’s okay. Terrific voice, though.

Mark and Donghyuck have known each other since they were in their diapers, but they only started dating a month ago. Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration. Since when they were twelve or something. Close enough, though. They’re one breed of best friends. The ones that never acknowledge it. They also bicker like they are paid to do so and get on each other’s nerves at every little opportunity.

Mark is essentially a very sweet boy. He gives up his seat without fail on the bus and helps others do homework instead of letting them copy it. Sure he had his phase where he cursed too much because he listened exclusively to Eminem, but the worst of that is over. 

Donghyuck brings out the worst and best in him. Johnny sometimes has whiplash listening to their conversations.

“No, I’m not free on Thursday, I have a math club meeting. I told you, like, eighteen times… It’s not nerdy, also I’m literally a math major… Can you stop being a bitter bitch? Just take Jaemin with you… No, I can’t, Hyuckie, I’m sorry… Okay, Friday works, yeah…Bye, baby.”

He hangs up and clicks away on his phone screen some more. “Sorry where were we?”

Johnny has also forgotten. 

“Hey, Mark. Why do you guys fight so much?”

Mark blinks at him. He probably thinks it’s a silly question. Or rather the timing is silly, since they’ve literally been friends for almost a whole decade and had bantered every day that they were together throughout that entire time period. So Johnny's only about nine years late.

“It’s not, like, a real fight, dude.”

He sighs from where he’s lying down on the floor. “I guess. Do you have real fights?”

Mark huffs, “Have you met Hyuck? Of course, we have real fights.”

Johnny laughs, although it fizzles out quickly. 

“Hey, what do you like about him?”

“What kind of lame question is that, hyung?”

“No, not like his laugh or how he cares about puppies or anything gross like that. What do you like about being with him?”

“Hmm. I don’t know. I guess I understand him. I know how he works and all.”

“Does he understand you?”

“Hah. He thinks he does. No, sorry, that’s not true. Sure, he understands me. Of course he does.”

“What about, you know, when you don’t like what you understand?”

The question doesn’t come out as slick as Johnny intended.

“Yo, you make him sound like a serial killer.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean that. I know he’s not that bad, or bad at all, but,” he makes a thinking noise. “Okay generally. What do you do when you understand a person and don’t like what you understand about them?”

Mark makes a duck face as he plunges into deep thought. After half a minute, he sighs, shrugs, and gets up from Johnny’s rolley chair to lie down next to him.

“I don’t know if this applies to everything, but if they can’t help it, I think you should let it go. It’s not, like, fair to keep crying over what a person is not and will never be. I think you should forgive them, man.”

Johnny wants to say something in response, but he's transfixed by the fact that what he said makes sense.

“What would understanding even mean, if you can’t even forgive a person for being who they are?”

Hearing something wise come out of Mark’s mouth never fails to tilt Johnny’s work sideways. 

“When did you grow up, Markie?”

“Shut up,” and after a pause: “Is everything okay, hyung?”

Johnny closes his eyes. He thinks of when Mark was twelve, Donghyuck had pushed him off of a boardwalk at a summer camp and he almost drowned. He was so shaken by what he did, he bawled endlessly, even when Mark said he forgave him. Johnny was a camp volunteer, so he had a front row to the drama. Not only did he have to console a snotty, crying Donghyuck for hours, he also had to drive Mark home. 

After that, he came over to Mark’s house a few times, with cookies or toys or something, and then they were thick as thieves just like that.

Johnny smiles at the memory. Of course he knows why they love each other. How could he not?

"Yeah, of course

+

At first, Johnny refused to see Ten romantically, which annoyed the latter to no extent, especially because he insisted on keeping it up even after Ten began to develop feelings for him. Johnny remembers once joking about how it would practically be incest to date Ten. (Everyone says stupid things then they’re hiding feelings they haven’t yet acknowledged, okay?)

Ten was outraged, and by then he had started dropping multiple hints which Johnny pointedly ignored. Did he like him? Obviously. He would be a fool not to. He liked Ten alright. However, the thought of a relationship with him seemed horrifying. He didn’t want things to change. He loved their friendship. He relied on it. He didn’t want to watch it rot because they decided it wasn’t enough. Because it was enough, for him.

Sure, he also desperately wanted to bang Ten and fantasized about his tongue piercing to an abnormal extent, but he could have managed with being just friends. 

It was nearing the end of Johnny’s fourth year when he gave in. Ten had dragged him out of the library where he was working on a final paper and forced Johnny to chauffeur him to a dance showcase in the city. Johnny was doing a poor job at hiding his irritation with him (or maybe he wasn't doing the job at all), so Ten watched his mouth the whole car ride. 

However, when they got to the theatre, the performance blew Johnny’s mind to bits. A big, black room. A colossal projection of what looked like the sun, except it changed colour from pale blue all the way to blood red. A piano piece that made Johnny physically yearn for his piano back home. 

A large group of dancers were performing, Ten informed him in a loud whisper, a style called ‘reggaeton’. Johnny knows a fair share about dance because of Ten, but it still looked like a jerkier form of contemporary to him. Nevertheless, he was impressed.

They did their routine in a large circle and although they seemed to break formation as they moved away from each other, but they didn’t actually ever break the circle, and he was only able to notice this since they were watching it from the projection room, because someone involved in the showcase had promised to sneak Ten in. Ironically, they had the best seats. 

When they exited the theatre, the two were shaking with excitement and hyperventilation. Johnny didn’t know how he was going to drive them back to campus with his hands shivering like this.

“I told you! I told you you’d like it!” Ten yelled at him, his smile bigger than himself. 

Johnny was too overwhelmed and dumbfounded to retaliate, so he grabbed him by the arm and hugged him tight and pretended it was retaliation. Fortunately, Ten did validate his silliness with adequate whining and half-hearted attempts to untangle himself. They really were dumb and dumber. 

After that, they sat and ate ice cream on a bench to calm themselves down as Ten told Johnny about how he doesn’t appreciate reggaeton much. He thought it was what rich, talentless people imagined art was. Just some plagiarised idea from a dead, white philosopher, with a façade of avant-garde. 

“Am I being a bit old-fashioned?’

Johnny shrugged and took another lick of his matcha-flavoured gelato, “Maybe, but you have a point.”

Ten hummed passionately around his cookies ‘n’ cream, “I don’t understand how people think that is creative, you know. Do you think that performance would’ve been great with all those visuals and that beautiful music?”

“Maybe not, but isn’t the performance inclusive of all of that?”

“Whatever. I think the choreographer was full of crap, though.”

The ride to campus was quiet but comforting. Johnny let Ten take charge of the music and he went straight to Frank Ocean. Johnny remembered the night in the parking lot. Ten had gotten better at his antiques.

“Hey, Ten,” he began softly when they were parked, wondering how exactly to say it. They had been dancing around it for long enough, so he only had to give him the faintest of hints.

“What?”

“Do you wanna get coffee sometime or something?”

It was a bit stupid. The two of them knew each other like the back of their hands. They didn’t need to go on “dates” and play twenty one questions only to ask what the other’s first pet was. In fact, they had literally just gone on a date.

Ten exhaled breathily. He closed his a few seconds and when he opened, he said with unwavering conviction.

“No, Johnny Suh. Absolutely not. I really kinda wanna be your boyfriend already.” 

Johnny grinned into his mouth when they kissed, and Ten pinched the underside of this bicep.

+

Johnny tries to come up with excuses for a break up as he replies to emails in a coffee shop. As a thought experiment. He thinks of things that could be seen as “unhealthy” and “toxic”, but they all end up being a variant of ‘he steals all my clothes’, which he can’t complain about either because Ten tries his best to make up for it by gifting him clothes on multiple “special” occasions (most of them are made up – what the hell is ‘the day you made me say hi to your mom on FaceTime"?)

Literally everything sounds preposterous beyond belief. The least idiotic one is ‘we don’t have time for each other anymore’, which isn't untrue, in a sense. Truth be told, he can probably come up with a few more reasonable sounding ones, but nothing changes the fact that Johnny very vehemently does not want to break up with Ten in the slightest. Just thinking of it made his insides crawl. 

He realises he had typed out “the grades for the mid-terms will be taking a break” instead of saying they will be up by next week. He groans and tries to actually focus on the emails. 

He is telling the seventh student asking about citations format to look at the prompt sheet before shooting emails to people who have better things to do (sans the second half, regretfully) when he feels a weak smack to the back of his neck.

His head snaps to look over his shoulder. It’s Ten, currently feigning nonchalance and talking to a woman with pale blonde hair and uncanny cat eyes, who Johnny has definitely met before. Guess someone can’t take a hint.

Johnny considers leaving, but that would be unnecessarily dramatic, and also he’s still waiting for his coffee. He sighs and returns to work. It’s been several days since they’ve talked. Frankly he’s getting tired of the artificially induced hostility,but can you blame him? It's not like there's a rulebook for how you're supposed to deal with this stuff. 

As he anticipated, Ten props himself down in the seat before him once his meet-up is over. 

Johnny glances at him and wiggles his eyebrows. 

“Hi,” Ten exclaims loudly. Then he loudly exhales and theatrically collapses on the table, begging for attention.

Johnny smirks, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Ten replies, now very interested in his finger nails. “I'm so tired. Seulgi and I were just coming up the music for the school play.”

“What did you decide?”

“MGMT’s ‘Kids’. We were kinda scared they would say it’s inappropriate or some shit like that, cause MGMT look like they’re hippies, but thankfully the teacher doesn't know anything about MGMT. At least that’s what I think.”

Johnny chuckles, “That’s awesome. When’s the play?”

“Oh, still pretty far away. I think there’s still a month.”

He hums, eyes reverting back to his laptop screen.

“Do you think Seulgi is a lesbian?”

Johnny pauses and thinks, “I didn't notice anything. Do you?”

“She sits with a manspread.”

“That’s an unfair level of hyper-femininity you’re pushing on straight women, Ten.”

“Come on, be honest.”

“Okay maybe.”

Ten grins wide. Johnny has always thought he looked like a cat, from the way he curls up on bed to how he dips in fingers in people’s drinks when he’s upset about them. And his smile. Especially his smile.

“You’ve been thinking about it a lot, right?”

Johnny rolls his eyes, “Yeah, Ten, ‘cause I obviously have nothing else to do.”

Ten just stares at him, unimpressed.

“Fine, I may have. Whatever. Also, hold on. Didn't I tell you not to talk to me?”

“You told me not to text you, not to out-right ignore you in public.”

Hm. That would be quite bad, and would only work to create problems.

“Hyung, I know this isn’t the place –“

“It isn’t.”

“But promise me you won’t jump to stupid conclusions before talking to me again.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, like I don’t think you’re enough or scroll through Instagram and compare your abs with Xuxi’s.”

“I didn’t do that.”

He has. Yukhei’s are far better. 

“Good. Don’t.”

“Okay.”

“Johnny, look at me.”

“What?”

Ten looks nervous again.

“It had nothing to do with you. You know that right?”

Johnny purses his lips. 

“Well, what about me, then?”

He sounds eleven, at best, but Ten is nice enough to grace him with a response. 

“I’m sorry, okay? I am. I never wanted to hurt you, but this simply just doesn’t have anything to with us. And I’ve thought about this. A lot. I'm not deluded or anything. Jesus, there’s nothing secretly wrong with us, Johnny. It wasn’t more than what it was. It was a kiss. Nothing less. Nothing more.”

He bites his tongue. The strand of pettiness that had crept up his throat refuses to be put down, so he decides to not say anything and just nods instead. Ten falls back onto his chair, and the pair into a minute silence, until he stands up again and adjusts his backpack. 

“Okay, then. I’m gonna dip.”

“Where are you going?”

The question slips from his tongue before Johnny can even think. He has to try way harder if he wants to be mean to Ten. He’s jealous of Donghyuck in this field, but it’s probably for the best because then he would need friends who would put up with it, and there’s only one Mark Lee in the world.

“Studio.”

“Cool. Good luck.”

Ten looks like he wants to say something, or do something but decides against it and with a squeeze to Johnny’s shoulder, he leaves.

When his anger quietens, it suddenly hits Johnny how stupid he's been. How unseeing. 

Of course, Ten kissed Yukhei because he suddenly felt proud of the boy. He is the man he has always known. The same Ten who burnt Johnny’s frying pan trying to make egg-fried rice for him when he was sick, and bought someone’s under-cooked cupcakes at a Sports Fest under the pretext that he liked the taste of raw flour because he felt bad that no one was buying them.

The last thing he wants is to force Ten to think of Johnny every second of every day and amputate his affection towards the world because he thinks Johnny would be butt-hurt. God, is that what relationships are supposed to be? 

He likes to believe he knows himself, and right now if he has any say in this, he is sure that he is in no way jealous (God, and Yukhei of all people). At all. Of course, Ten loves him. That was never up for debate. He remembers that Ten never reassured Johhny of his love for him, and he knows why. It's because if he did it would seem like that was being disputed here, and divert the whole issue. 

He still would like Ten to not be intimate with other people, he thinks, but he is having a hard time branding his act as “cheating”.

What is this, anyway? Johnny thought he was the literature major in the relationship, yet here he was, deliberately misunderstanding and simplifying an act that was just human and organic. He thinks of what Mark said. He doesn't even have to forgive Ten for being himself, because he loves the person Ten is, he is obsessed with the boy, and he knew what he was asking for that night in the car when he kissed him. 

And the second last thing he wants is to break up with Ten. He would like to believe that their relationship is a little stronger than this. 

He shut his Mac screen and starts to gather his things.

+

At the studio, Johnny watches Ten dance from the window for a few minutes like a weirdo. Ten’s old t-shirt is starting to soak up with sweat, and the nape of his neck is glistening. Only two of them, Ten and another woman, are dancing. Some mediocre tropical house is playing. With the way the rest of them are either lying around or crowding around a laptop, Johnny guesses the two were just fooling around.

Someone slaps him on the back, hard, making him jump half an inch in the air. 

“Hey! Johnny, right?” 

It’s Seulgi. She doesn't look aware of the fact that her gesture was more than a pat.

“Oh, hey.”

“Wait, let me get Ten for you.”

He’s a bit disappointed that he can’t spy on his boyfriend anymore, but it’s not like he can tell her no.

“Oh, thanks.”

Ten sticks his head out the door a moment later and mutters a surprised, “Oh, hey.”

Johnny knows they need to talk about this sooner or later. He has had to do lot of thinking in the past few days, and he's sure that Ten has too. Perhaps they finally have to spell somethings out instead of assuming they already know everything there is to know, but right now he wants that tone to disappear for good from Ten’s diction, so he smiles at him wide and slowly pulls him forward by his t-shirt.

“Hey.”

“I’m really sweaty.”

He also stinks like a dog, but Johnny kisses him regardless. He runs his fingers Ten’s dripping wet hair and tilts his face upwards. Ten’s hands are hesitant on Johnny’s waist, but it is perhaps because Ten’s entire front side is disgusting and he regrets it as soon as he tugs the younger closer. It’s okay. He can take a shower later.

“Holy shit, man, can I buy a thought?” Ten chuckles when they break away.

“My consciousness is not for sale.”

“Hmm,” he contemplates and buries his face in Johnny’s chest. Wow, he’s really sweaty. “That’s a bad joke.”

“Shut up,” Johnny mumbles into his hair.

“Johnny.”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“You too, man.”

Ten knees him. “Asshole.”

Johnny just laughs, and the vibrations travel through the hug.

“We’re okay and all?”

He wants to cry and laugh at the same time. Perhaps he's buried himself far too deep in this love rubbish, and maybe he trusts Ten too much for someone who has had to literally lock his fridge because the other wanted to mix Red Bull and coffee together. 

“Yeah, Ten. More than. We're fucking great.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'd really appreciate any feedback, but unfortunately I'm off twitter (I think I'm like somewhat cancelled). Maybe I'll make another acc in the future.
> 
> Also, if there are typos, PLEASE let me know in the comments. i don't think im a bad writer but typos are my ultimate downfall. 
> 
> ( [https://uhchiha.tumblr.com/](tumblr) )


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